If you've seen my Facebook post in which I disclosed my plans to move to Paris permanently, you first have to know my history concerning my posts on April 1st.
Last year, I posted that I was actually Japanese. Genetic results can be surprising, y'all.
A few years before this, I posted publicly to my then-boyfriend's wall that I was breaking up with him. Yep, I am a bitch.
My senior year of high school, there was a mysterious person writing silly messages on the whiteboard of my Physics classroom, sending the substitute teacher into a tailspin.
My freshman year of high school, two of my friends and I revealed a "real" list of the Class Rankings, which conveniently placed me at No. 1 and the "supposed" valedictorian at No. 6. I think he nearly fainted.
In eighth grade, a really strange incident happened: during Chorus, I felt a sudden pain in my stomach. I raised my hand bravely and when Mr. Helming called on me, I said innocently, "Mr. Helming, can I go to the bathroom?" Before he could say yes or no, I suddenly screamed, "I HAVE CRAMPS."
Then, amazingly, the whole female population of the eighth grade at MSP fell to the floor complaining about cramps. One girl whipped out a tampon. It was quite dramatic.
One boy turned to his friend and whispered, "Can they really all get it at the same time?"
So yeah. I have a long and illustrious career of April Fool's Day pranks under my belt.
Admittedly, I had been slacking the years previous to last Fool's Day, but I decided to make a comeback with the "Fake Ancestry" image. I didn't even need Photoshop! I'm too poor to afford Photoshop, so I just used Paint. I'm a cheap bastard.
Unfortunately, the rest of the human population doesn't seem to share my twisted sense of humor...
I got in trouble with and freaked out a few of my adoption friends last year.
Our high school principal gave me a stern talking-to, and my parents grounded me for my nefarious pranks on the Physics sub. (But still, that story is being told to students still in high school today. Upon meeting another a Plainville grad who came to GW, he gaped and asked in amazement, "That was you?" when I revealed that I pulled off the Heis Heist.)
Freshman year, our valedictorian was of course peeved with me. And several classmates were disappointed that their ranks hadn't actually gone up.
In eighth grade, Mr. Helming pulled me aside and actually for once lectured me. I'd smart-mouthed him dozens of times but I think this was the actual time I was actually in trouble.
So yes. I was joking about moving to Paris. I mean, come on. My French is menial. I can barely find a job in a country where I speak the language--who in the blue hell would hire me in Paris?
My April Fool's Day pranks have always been controversial. But in my pretentious manner, I defend them as critiques of society.
For instance, the infamous Cramps Incident was conceived after several middle school teachers freaked out about girls implying they had their periods--gasp! My friend Kanester initially approached me with the idea, and since I'm stupid, I actually executed it and got in trouble. Not that anyone would believe me that Kanester thought of it--I am definitely the rogue when comparing both of us.
The class ranking scheme was to point out that these numbers are arbitrary and we think waaaay too much about them. A lesson I still need to learn.
Honestly, I wished I had broken up with my then-boyfriend. He was a giant tea bag. Of the "Bitter Tyranny" flavor.
And the ancestry thing was inspired by the fact that I had just signed up for this site and was relieved to find out that I was in fact Chinese. So I wondered, "What if I wasn't?"
Well, if any of these things had REALLY happened, I certainly wouldn't be posting on Facebook about it! I mean, I am extremely boring on Facebook. I basically just send cat photos to Alyssa and give my mother a hard time.
I know, I know. I could go standard and pretend to get engaged. But first of all--who the hell would believe that? If my tendency to wander off into dangerous areas didn't reveal this, I clearly enjoy my autonomy. Plus I don't really have any serious suitors--and "suitors" is my nice way of saying "overly aggressive French men."
I need lots more originality.
But I thought I'd clear it up, as I've confused a lot of people in the past. Apparently my joke don't come across as jokes, mostly because I'm the only one who finds them funny...
Happy April Fool's! Put Saran Wrap on someone's toilet seat for me!
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