Okay. Sorry for pumpkin-ing out last night (that's Willard slang for "going to be early). I had to get my hair cut this morning.
Anyway...
We hopped on the RER A train to the Marne-la-Vallée / Chessy stop at the very end of the line. There are Mickey ears underneath the label so tourists don't get confused. So I assumed we'd have to hop on a bus to get to the actual location of Disneyland Paris. But when we stopped out of the train station alongside tons of kids wearing Lightning McQueen and Elsa and Anna backpacks, we were in Disney Village.
This Disney Village is pretty much like Downtown Disney, where I performed with the Plainville High Jazz Band my senior year. There are shops and shuttles to hotels and a movie theater. (The movie theater was playing Fifty Shades. Now, I'm not against restricting content, but is that entirely appropriate to be shown at a family theme park?) There is a huge Disney store much like the ones in Times Square or in the California or Florida Disney Parks--as in, it was huge. But we arrive there towards the end. Let's get back to the actual park.
After getting our bags searched, we walked into an area and were gazing up in excitement at this:
This is a hotel, right on the edge of the park. So, knowing that, it must be like the Grand Californian or the Grand Floridian--really expensive and plush. I mean, if you stay at the All Star branches in Orlando, you have to get shuttled into the park. Here, you can just walk in. You can also get your merchandise delivered straight to the hotel. Wah. I miss Disney hotels.
But for those of us not lucky to stay in the magic of Disney, this is also the entrance. Now, the ticket prices were astronomical--as expected (we're not going to defend Disney on that score)--but we noticed the yearly pass prices: around 200 euros, depending on the package you got. Sounds really steep, but when a one-day visit is 88 euros for ONE person in ONE park, the 200 euros isn't so bad if you live around here. Even if you go just three times during the whole year, you've paid off your pass. For those of us who know Lake Compounce, that season pass is essentially the same: you're crazy not to get one if you live around Bristol.
Now, it looks all sunny and dandy here, but it was actually freezing cold. Even though we've visited Disney World (Orlando) in December, it's still been pretty warm. Like, T-shirt warm. But like most other families, our visits mostly took place in the summer, when you could fry an egg on the sidewalk and where you actually would have to watch your dropped ice cream melt with disappointed dreams. Mom claims that it was cold once when she took Sara--my cousin--as a child: that must've been in the late 80's or early 90's (either way, it was BK--Before Katherine). They had to buy coats. Given that most GW students from Florida tell me they never bought a coat until they moved "up north" (ha!), coats must be really expensive in Florida.
My mom and I were both really hungry when we actually walked into the park, but Disney excitement took over:
The topiary? That's Mary Poppins and Burt dancing. So cool! And the gazebo is placed right in front of the castle, so you have a perfect view of it--and more importantly, a perfect photo opportunity.
I don't know where I get these ideas, but I had thought that this castle would be the Beauty and the Beast castle. You know, because Belle is French. ("Belle," after all, is the feminine French adjective for "beautiful," as the woman in this song tells us.) But this castle is actually just the Sleeping Beauty castle--or, as it says at the French Foursquare location--le Château de la Belle au Bois Dormant. So just like the one in Anaheim, California. The one in Orlando is the Cinderella castle.
EXTRA DISNEY KNOWLEDGE: Sleeping Beauty's Castle in Anaheim contains a walk-through exhibition of the movie. So, you walk around and look at scenes from the movie. For Cinderella's Castle, though, you can actually stay there. Like, sleep and look out the window at the little subjects and parades. Of course, you need to pay a lot. But it's the suite typically for couples who choose to get married at Disney World, which, in our family, seems like a no-brainer.
We got momentarily distracted by the Disney Emporium and Disney Clothiers and any other Disney store. A lot of the stuff was similar, as expected, but then there was this cute little collection of Eiffel Towers with Mickey and Minnie pictured beside them. So adorable! Finally, we decided we'd better ride some rides. Let me show you a map...
Much like the US Disney parks, Disney is split into many sections. The park we visited (because there are two) was Disneyland Park, mostly because Mom picked it and because it had all the classic rides: Haunted Mansion (known as Phantom Manor at the Disneyland Paris park), Pirates of the Caribbean, Indiana Jones, Star Tours, Thunder Mountain, etc.
We headed left after exiting Main Street, USA, because my mom--and we're letting you in on a great secret, here--knows that most people will turn right upon heading into the park. So that's where all the lines are, especially in the beginning of the day. So we went left, to Frontierland, which was one of the parks that had the same name as a park back at home.
Still hungry, we settled for a facsimile of a Mexican restaurant, which is a bit unfair to say, given that we come from the land of Chipotle burritos being "Mexican" food (it's totally not). So we waited in line. And waited. And waited. And then Mom listed her first complaint: Disneyland and Disney World are much more efficient about getting their food out. They don't have time to just stand around and let the people get antsy in line. So we've always had good service when we've been to either park in America. Here, though, since people in France typically aren't in a rush, we just stood around. Ah! Don't these people realize we have rides to ride? The Willards keep a tight schedule at Disney. We don't have room to f*** things up. (I'm censoring myself in honor of the subject matter.)
We started with Phantom Manor, known as Haunted Mansion in America. Spooky!
We just walked along the winding path. Whenever there isn't a long wait, walking through the maze of the line is kind of hilarious. However, it is much preferable to waiting an hour.
Just like in the other Haunted Mansions, we were shepherded into a room with two dozen or so other individuals. The woman asked us in French and English to crowd to the center of the room, which everyone took WAY too seriously. Then, the room began to descend, so revealing the creepiness of the portraits: woman standing in the water...with a monster reaching up to grab her, woman working on a farm...because she's burying a skeleton, etc. Similar concepts, different pictures. That was good. We didn't come to Disneyland Paris to see an exact copy of American Disney.
Funnily enough, the scariness is much less effective when you can't completely understand the narration. Because, of course, the narration was in French. Luckily, my mom and I are (too) familiar with the ride narrations, so we were okay, but it was just funny. All these children looked freaked out, and I was just thinking, They could've been reading a grocery list to my untrained ear.
When we got on the actual egg-shaped cars, though, it was pretty similar. Well, the dialogue was in French--the very little there was. We passed through the woman's head in the crystal ball, the room full of the dancing ghost couples, the graveyard, etc. What was new? Well, you know how Disney came out with movies based on their rides--Pirates of the Caribbean and its unnecessary sequels are usually the first that come to mind? Well, a few years ago, there was a movie adaptation of Haunted Mansion featuring Eddie Murphy. Anyway, because no one probably remembers, the plot of that movie involved Eddie Murphy's wife being the reincarnation of the bride who died before her wedding night in the Haunted Mansion.
Long story short, Disneyland Paris incorporated this whole bridal plot into the ride. And it's pretty creepy to see a bridal corpse look at herself in the mirror. Then we went into another "outdoor" section, and this featured a frontier-style literal "ghost" town, as there were ghosts and dancing skeletons all around. I was just thinking, What the hell? but Mom pointed out that we were in Frontierland, after all. The French were just following the theme of the park. Oh. Cool.
Good ride. Afterward, we swung around to see Thunder Mountain. Long wait. Were there any more rides worth it? Well, the River Boat would've been too cold, and the other rides appeared to be for children. To Adventureland, then!
And where do you go first in Adventureland? To Indiana Jones and the Temple of Peril! Now, we rushed here because we are fortunate enough to know that the California ride Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye is FREAKING AWESOME! You get taken on an Indy-style chase, and you're tossed around in a Jeep as a boulder rolls after you. It's awesome. They don't have it in Florida, which is disappointing. (They also don't have the Matterhorn in Florida. Sorry, but the Expedition Everest is not as great. And don't even get me started on the Maelstrom, although I hear that's gone now.)
Unfortunately, this was one of the cases in which the Disneyland Paris version was completely different than the original Disneyland's. It was less of a narrated adventure (for those only familiar with Disney World, think about how that Dinosaur ride has a narrator, or Mission Control) and actually just a regular roller coaster. I mean, it was fun. We went upside-down, my personal favorite (and Mom's personal least favorite). But it was waaaaay too short for even its not-too-bad wait.
Curious as to what this Le Passage Enchanté d'Aladdin, we walked through. Because it was a walk-through, like the Sleeping Beauty Castle in Anaheim. It was nice. The highlight was when Genie was singing "Friend Like Me" in French. And hearing "A Whole New World" in French was funny as well. (By the way, completely tangential: if Aladdin doesn't come out on Blu-Ray this October, I'm going to turn into a giant serpent like Jafar.)
That will be me if our Disney DVD collection remains unfinished.
Slightly (very slightly) disappointed, we went to the Pirates of the Caribbean. Now, because this ride is longer, it's always got a giant line. Plus, it's a famous ride anyway, especially now with the movies. How was it? Very similar. Less better Imagineering. But we have high standards, as I said before. There were some new elements, but it was very similar. And it didn't have Johnny Depp at the end, although that is also relatively new in American Disney parks. Besides, the only part I've really liked about Pirates is the part where the dog is holding the key away from the begging prisoners. I'm just not that into it. Sorry for the lack of enthusiasm.
Given that the other rides in Adventureland basically consisted of climbing up a fake tree or a fake pirate ship, we whisked ourselves off to Fantasyland, which is basically everything Disney you know of. (Note to Disney execs: that cabana/tree-house-thing should be renamed Tarzan's Tree House. Who the hell is the Robinson family? Who cares? Tarzan is at least part of the Disney collective now. Plus, Tony Goldwyn, aka President Fitzgerad Grant on Scandal, voiced Tarzan. I know, crazy!)
Last time I had the privilege to visit Disney World, I somehow got messed up in plans with those who don't know their Jiminy Cricket from their Flower the Skunk. So I missed out on Peter Pan's Flight, which is an amazing classic. It feels like flying. I mean, the mechanics are old-fashioned, given that it was first introduced in the 1970's, but it's so beautiful. It brings back memories for everyone.
The line was very long, but we waited. Now, my mom tells me that since I am not a parent, I only think that the children in Europe are more badly behaved than the ones in the United States. Since I was once part of the collective of screaming children, I just didn't notice the crying and whining before--unfortunately it's hard to miss now. The charm of children can be considerably diminished when you see them wet their pants outside the Pirates Gift Shop, fall on your shoes in line, constantly tug on the ropes that separate the lines, etc.
However, there were some very cute children. In front of my mother and I in the Peter Pan line was this British family--with ginger children! They were adorable like any Weasleys, and their charm magnified when I heard their little voices ask their parents questions. At one point, their mother turned to us and asked, "Do you happen to know when the parade is?"
We did not. But we are savvy Disney-goers, and so I had downloaded the Disneyland Paris app before entering the park. It contained all the pertinent information. After a few minutes of slow loading, I informed the woman (who looked like a blonde Julianne Moore) that the parade was 17h30. She thanked me. Then her adorable daughter turned to me and said in a very sweet and very British way:
"You're a very nice lady."
I wish I had a recording of her saying it, because it was ADORABLE. I guess here's the best comparison: the adorable children of Jude Law's character in the rom-com The Holiday. Here's a clip. And here's a better one. And I thought cute children like that were only possible in movies.
We chatted a bit more with the blonde woman, revealing that we were American Disney aficionados, and then the ginger boy in their family looked excitedly at us and said in the same adorable accent, "What's it like there?" Hard not to melt from their cuteness.
Bean stalk from Mickey and the Bean Stalk short film, and Cinderella from, well, I hope you guys know by now.
Here's the Pinocchio ride. We didn't go on it because reviews said it was very short and not worth the wait if over 10 minutes--and it was 20.
Took this picture especially for Eddy! These are the awesome fairies. They were terrible in the live-action Maleficent because you cannot make these animated fairies more perfect. (If you also don't like that movie, be sure to watch this. And this.)
Castle from the back. It is, after all, a three-dimensional structure.
The Mad Hatter Teacups ride is one of my favorites! Also one of Mom's least favorite, once again. So adorable. And I totally could've gotten my teacup to spin faster, but my mom managed to control me by making me change the direction of the teacup every 10 seconds. Grrr.
We also did Lancelot's Carousel, but the exciting thing happened while we were waiting in line. Actually, it was more concerning. My mom smelt smoke, and sure enough, there was a trash can. On fire. We were staring at it, gaping. The people actually in a position to do something were just walking by as if nothing were happening. And one person took a picture! Wait, what??? Shouldn't someone call a park official? Or a firefighter? Or SOMEONE?
And why was it on fire? Because there is sooooo much smoking. Now, I don't want to get up on a soapbox here, but how can you allow constant smoking in an area meant for children with pink, fresh lungs? There are health risks! It's a cultural thing, yes, but it's unsafe. Think about the children!
Okay, one of the best parts: It's a Small World! I know this song can get pretty damn annoying after just one time playing, but it was so funny in France. Like, there is an American section:
I couldn't help it. I was rolling around laughing. I also noticed that outside the ride, the doll saying, "Welcome!" was a cowboy. It seems like whenever they want to show something "American," they use a cowboy. And yes, those are blurry hockey players above.
Yeah, and then the people in the boat in front of us tried to jump up to the front. Um, you can't do that. First of all, moving around in a boat is not a good idea if you don't want to get injured/wet. Plus, they have to space us out a certain way, or the thing will capsize. Don't these people understand density distribution?
Afterward, we had to circle around and around to get to Discoveryland--which is basically Tomorrowland. People were just standing around waiting for the parade, but we just wanted to ride Star Tours. I know, you guys are probably asking, "Um, what about Space Mountain, one of the best rides ever???" Except Space Mountain was closed! Ahhhhhhh. But it turns out, even in America, Space Mountain is actually closed every January. So keep that in mind before booking your trip...
Star Tours is basically Star Wars, especially given that C3PO is lecturing you while in line. You could also get the Star-Wars-loving vibe from all the boys in line. The group in front of us were just like immature American middle schoolers, too, which proves that the boys in Europe are not necessarily better--but not worse, either: they're just the same.
We ate at Pizza Planet, but it was an incredible rip-off. The buffet was terribly kept. Disney would never do that in California or Florida because they know that no tourists would take that sh**. Then, when we walked outside, it was pitch black. Disney World is so lit up you don't even think it's nighttime. But the problem with absolutely no lighting is that you bump into people and trip over things. A lot.
A lot of things were made up--and it's not like we had a lot of complaints--with the Disney Dreams light show. I had never seen it before, given that my (old) friends didn't understand what was worth waiting for and what wasn't.
I have a video uploading, and I recorded it only because they started playing Tangled. And the song at the beginning of this post? The French appear to be crazy for it. I mean, Hunchback does take place at a famous French landmark. The show was so great. Sorry for my excited squeals of delight.
Mom most likely has a better-phrased summary, but I hope this satisfies our Disney freaks out there. Solidarity!
This view never gets old.
Main Street, USA in Disneyland Paris at night.
One last (and my only major) complaint: absolutely the ONLY things Mulan related were that Mushu hat and the baby dolls. WHAT? Every other princess was featured. Well, not Pocahontas. But even she had her own campsite. I couldn't even get to dress up as the "princess" (because, yes, I know she's not a real princess, but she's far more bada** than Snow White, for goodness sakes) I would've wanted.
SO ADORABLE.
Rebecka would salivate over this.
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